THE
GREATEST WRESTLER OF ALL-TIME

Edith
was a wrestling fan. So was Dace Senoit, a.k.a. the Dream Seeker. The
two discovered their mutual affinity for the sport by accident. Dace
quoted David “The Natural” Mattox when referring to
a villain, and Edith laughed, recognizing the words and their original
context. Edith had already taken to mentoring Dace on his new-found
powers — but this discovery made him also seem like a grandson to her,
and not just a young man she enjoyed helping. From then, they talked
about wrestling to take a break from the issues of the real world, and
would meet for big pay-per-view events.

Tonight was
one of those nights. A new wrestler had emerged on the scene recently
– Basilisk. He was bigger than Frankenstein’s Monster, and
more muscular than Ty Strange. To top it off, he actually displayed
some classical wrestling skills — he wasn’t just a big bruiser. Dace
and Edith were both impressed by his combination of modern power and
traditional technique.

And he was a villain — and
they were always more entertaining than the straight-laced hero.

Basilisk
was the feature on tonight’s PPV. He was facing off against three
decades of champions: David “The Natural” Mattox
from NWC fame, Urban Ranger representing 80′s WWW excitement,
today’s star The Brickhouse … and even Eddie Falcone was
coaxed back to the ring. These four great champions were teaming up to
knock out this new force in wrestling.

The match
was a Battle Royal format, except that the four former champions agreed
to wait for Basilisk before wrestling, at which point they would team
up to throw him over the ropes.

One at a time, the
greatest wrestlers of the past three decades entered the ring: Urban
Ranger, strutting and exhorting the crowd, with a patriotic rock song
filling the arena. David Mattox, 16-time champion of the world, was
cheered by fans who would’ve booed him in the past.

Today,
the fans knew there was only one villain.

Eddie
Falcone, with two reconstructed knees and the tragedy of his brother’s
death still on his mind after all these years, was in tears as the fans
from Toronto showed their love for their Canadian son. Finally, The
Brickhouse — still in his prime, but making the transition from
wrestling to Hollywood movies, was given a standing ovation by the
partisan crowd.

The four greats, after greeting
each other and waving at the crowd, turned towards the stage entrance.
The lights grew dim. Heavy metal guitars wailed in the auditorium.
Foreboding drums and bass began to throb. Red laser lights flashed over
the crowd, and smoke filled the entrance walkway.

Through
the smoke, a figure emerged. He wore a black robe and a leather mask
with huge white horns protruding from his forehead. It was combination
Darth Vader/Satan. It was Basilisk.

In Dace’s
opinion, the match went predictably: first, each champion got a shot at
Basilisk individually. “The Natural” grappled and
was forced to beg for mercy before Urban Ranger cut in. After
bodyslamming the Ranger, Eddie Falcone jumped off the top rope and
leg-kicked the behemoth of evil, who didn’t budge. Finally, The
Brickhouse attempted to grapple with the current champion, and was
quickly brought to his knees.

Double and
triple-team attacks ensued, each growing increasingly sillier to watch
as it became obvious that Basilisk was not only the current champion,
he was the closest thing to indestructible Dace had ever seen in the
ring.

Basilisk threw Falcone out first, flinging
him like a sack of garbage over the ropes. Eddie landed hard on his
battered knees, writhing on the floor in agony.

Next,
he caught Mattox in mid-air after a top rope cross-body leap attempt,
and threw “The Natural” into Urban Ranger, sending
them both tumbling out of the ring and into the announcer’s table.

Finally,
only The Brickhouse was left to defend the honor of the former champs.
He charged like a linebacker, hoping to tackle the champ and gain the
upper hand. Instead, Basilisk sidestepped The Brickhouse at the last
moment, and stuck out his leg. The Brickhouse was tripped up, and fell
face first to the mat. The new face of evil proceeded to kick him out
of the ring — and the match was seemingly over.

Basilisk
raised his arms, triumphant. The crowd booed mercilessly. Underneath
his mask, he smiled — relishing the moment. Then he noticed something
– the bell had not been rung. He walked over to the ropes and pointed
to the timekeeper, who just shrugged. He was about to climb out, but
then remembered that leaving the ring would risk forfeiting the match.
He had to wait to see what would happen.

Edith and
Dace sat on the edge of the couch, wondering aloud what this could
mean. Dace could sense that something amazing was about to happen.

The
vocal chorus from “Carmina Burana” erupted from the arena sound system.
Basilisk snapped his attention to the entrance way. There, a masked man
dressed in a shiny silver body suit and matching mask walked out, with
a microphone in hand. The crowd was silent — no one recognized the
man.

“This match is not over yet, Basilisk,” said
the mystery man. “You may not know me, but I have something to say
about this Battle Royal.”

The arena darkened, and
an image was projected above the mystery man. It was grainy footage,
showing the silver-clad wrestler fighting another wrestler in Japan.

“As
you can see,” narrated the mystery man, “I’ve wrestled before. The man
I’m beating in this film is none other than Lou Thesz!”

The crowd gasped. They knew that name. “That’s right, Basilisk. Lou Thesz.
The last TRULY UNDISPUTED CHAMPION. The greatest wrestler of his era. I
beat him in Japan in 1953.”

The film showed him
pinning Lou Thesz, and then having his hand raised in victory. The film
froze on that frame.

“I BEAT the greatest wrestler
of all-time over 50 years ago, and today, I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU! I
don’t want your championship. You don’t have to put
it up. I just want you. And forget this silly Battle Royal rule. I want
to pin you, sonny. Let’s see WHO the best IS. Can you pin me?
Or will I pin YOU?”

Basilisk, at first shocked, now
began to laugh. He bent over, hands on knees, and shoulders shaking
with laughter.

“Laugh if you want, kid. Go on. But
I want you to remember one thing about tonight. You may not know my
real name, but you will remember my stage name: DOUBLE DEE!”

Basilisk
just shook his head and chuckled. Dace had chills — he had heard
rumors of Lou Thesz losing to a masked wrestler in the 50′s, and the
film footage confirmed it! Edith shook her head in disbelief — she,
too, had heard the stories, and never had believed it, until now.

Dace
evaluated the situation as Double Dee walked to the stage. He HAD to be
in his seventies, he thought, at least. If The Brickhouse couldn’t
handle Basilisk, what hope did this old man have? Dace realized the
answer had to be that this was a new Double Dee — after all, the mask
and body suit prevented positive identification. Anyone could be
wearing that costume — all they needed was to be a similar height and
build.

Either way, the match had just got
interesting. Let’s go to ringside and listen to the
announcers for this extravaganza — Buster Brown and “The
King of Diamonds” Marty Owen:

BUSTER BROWN:
King, can you believe what we’re seeing?

KING
OF DIAMONDS: BB! Is that … is that really Double DEE? He
must be 200 years old by now. He beat Lou THESZ?

BB:
Well…obviously it can’t…I mean it
CAN’T be the same person.

KING:
Wait…Basilisk has the microphone now.

BASILISK:
I just defeated the four greatest wrestlers of all time. And now I am
supposed to be afraid of a man dressed in silver spandex with a silver
mask? You have footage from the 50’s in the background and
I’m supposed to be shaking in my boots? Bring it on,
<BEEP>.

BB: Basilisk throwing the
microphone down now…AND HERE COMES DOUBLE DEE RUNNING
TOWARDS THE RING!

And here they GO! Double Dee
connecting with several blows to the head of Basilisk. The fans are
going crazy with each blow.

FANS: BOOSH! BOOSH!
BOOSH!

BB: Basilisk looks dazed. Double Dee is
almost his size.

KING: I think he’s
BIGGER! Oh my GOD! I’ve never seen Basilisk staggered like he
is now, BB.

BB: Double Dee with a kick to the
midsection. Basilisk is stunned. Now Double Dee tucks
Basilisk’s head under his arm and he’s looking at the fans,
which are going wild … now he tucks … is he
… is he…?

KING:
He’s going for a SUPLEX! He’s going for a SUPLEX!

BB:
I don’t think he could … oh my god. He is holding
him high in the air … look at that vertical leverage
… he’s just HOLDING him up there!

KING:
That’s IMPOSSIBLE! That’s IMPOSSIBLE!

BB:
And what goes up, must come … DOWN!

KING:
OUCH!

BB: Double Dee quickly onto his feet;
Basilisk still on the mat. It’s pandemonium in here, King.

Double
Dee now stomping on his head with vicious – just vicious
– kicks! He’s lifting him up by his white mask, and
now … he’s BODYSLAMMING him! ELBOW DROP. ANOTHER
elbow drop.

King: ANOTHER ELBOW DROP!

BB:
Double Dee once again lifts Basilisk up and now Irish whips him into
the ropes. Double Dee running to the ropes at the opposite side of the
ring and CLOTHESLINE him! Down goes Basilisk. Double Dee bounces off
the ropes-connects with a knee drop! And now he has Basilisk with a
front face lock on the mat.

KING: Whew! Now I can
finally catch my breath! Who IS this guy?

BB:
Whoever he is, King … whoever he is, he is manhandling
Basilisk here tonight.

KING: But … but Basilisk
eliminated the four best wrestlers of all time. If Double Dee wins this
one, does that make HIM the greatest of all time?

BB:
King, from what I’m seeing here tonight, he may have ALREADY
been the greatest of all time. But let’s not sell Basilisk
short, he’s-

KING: Uh-oh! Here we go!

BB:
Basilisk is now getting his wind back and finally gets to his feet as
Double Dee is still applying that front face lock … now he
his elbowing Double Dee … staggers him. HEAD BUTT by
Basilisk. ANOTHER head butt! Now he’s punching Double Dee,
and whips him to the ropes. DROPKICK! Basilisk hit a dropkick!

KING:
I’ve – I’ve never seen such a big man hit
a dropkick like that!

BB: Basilisk running towards
the ropes… bounces off and hits a devastating leg drop on
the face and chest of the now-prone Double Dee. Now Basilisk is looking
at the fans here…staring them down…

KING:
He should cover him! He should cover him!

BB:
Basilisk with some brutal kicks on Double Dee … now
… what’s he doing?

KING: Is he
going up? He’s not going up, is he, BB?

BB:
Yes he is! Basilisk climbing to the top rope…

KING:
If he hits this, it’s over!

BB: Basilisk
is still looking at the fans! Why’s he wasting so much time,
King?

KING: He’d better hurry!

BB:
Basilisk leaps…and he HIT HIM! HE JUST CAME DOWN AND
SPLASHED DOUBLE DEE!

KING: Oh my GOD!

BB:
Basilisk gets up … why didn’t he cover him
… and he DDT’S him! DDT! Sweet Jesus!

KING:
Oh … the referee had better stop this now.

BB:
Basilisk now going for the pin … it’s academic now
… one … two … NO! DOUBLE DEE KICKS OUT
at TWO! DOUBLE DEE KICKS OUT at TWO!

KING: The fans
are so loud; I can’t even here you, BB! He kicked out!

BB:
Basilisk can’t believe it … he’s still on his
knees arguing with the ref … and now Double Dee puts his
hand around Basilisk’s neck! He rises from the canvas. And he
… no … he can’t be … YES …
a CHOKESLAM! Double Dee just CHOKESLAMMED Basilisk! The ring almost
collapsed!

FANS: Double-DEE! Double-DEE!
Double-DEE! Double-DEE!

BB: Now Double Dee spreads
him arms to the fans … palms up … like he’s asking if
they’re really shocked he is in control of this match now.
Double Dee with a step-over-toe hold … and he’s
going for the FIGURE FOUR leglock!

KING:
How’s he getting Basilisk’s thick legs into a
figure FOUR?

BB: Double Dee pulling back now,
trying to get Basilisk to submit … what a match … what a
MATCH!

KING: Whew … at least I can catch my
breath again now … this Double Dee … not only is
he strong and resilient, but he knows his holds.

BB:
I wouldn’t be surprised if the original Double Dee trained
him.

KING: Or … or maybe he IS the
original Double Dee.

BB: King … come on.
An eighty-year-old man can’t wrestle.…

KING:
What about Urban Ranger? Isn’t he around 60?

BB:
King….

Basilisk managed to get over to
the ropes, and now Double Dee has to break the hold … and he
does. Now he’s grabbing him by his two legs, but Basilisk his
still holding on to the ropes! He’s still pulling –
Basilisk lets go – and DOWN he goes to the mat. Double Dee is
now spreading Basilisk’s legs and – oh no
… he’s not gonna … he’s
looking at the fans –

KING: I think there
won’t be any Basilisk Juniors after this move.

BB:
And he STOMPS on the lower abdomen … now Double Dee lifting Basilisk
… what’s this … fireman’s
carry….

KING: How is he lifting him? How
is he LIFTING him?

BB: Double Dee with Basilisk
held on his shoulders and – he’s spinning! AIRPLANE
SPIN!

KING: No!

BB: Yes! Double
Dee is spinning very fast and now he DROPS backwards – his
full weight coming down on Basilisk. Now he’s going for the
pin … ONE … TWO….

KING:
That has to be it.

BB: NO! Basilisk just barely got
his shoulder up.

KING: What intestinal fortitude
from Basilisk. I thought he was a goner. I bet they’re BOTH
dizzy now. I know I’M dizzy just WATCHING them!

BB:
Double Dee rising from the mat, now lifting Basilisk … and
now trying to get a full nelson on him. Trying to get both hands under
his arms. Trying to lock his fingers from both hands together. Very
painful hold if he can execute it.

KING: No, I
think Basilisk’s too big for Double Dee to apply a full
nelson.

BB: Basilisk, with his arms straight up
… resisting … resisting … OW! Low
blow! Basilisk kicked Double Dee below the belt with his left boot. He
kicked backwards. And now Double Dee falls to the mat like a sack of
potatoes.

KING: That HAD to hurt.

BB:
Basilisk looking at the fans, who are really on him right now
… is he? Is it time? Is this the prelude to
Caesar’s Drop? He holds out his fist to the fans. Now
he’s sticking his thumb out, horizontally. This is when he
decides to Caesar Drop his opponent.

KING: The fans
are saying no!

BB: His fist still in the air
… and THUMB DOWN! THUMB DOWN!

KING: It
can only mean one thing!

BB: Basilisk lifting
Double Dee up … King … regardless of what happens
here … we have to tip our hats to Double Dee … he put on a
HELLUVA fight here tonight.

KING: Yeah, the only
question is if there’s gonna be enough of him to scrape off
of the canvas after Caesar’s Drop.

BB: I
think he made a great showing here … and now Basilisk is
holding Double Dee in a bodyslam position … and the fans are getting
louder. Now he has vertically Double Dee HIGH in the air! This is dead
weight, folks. He is hoisting him up in the air … like a weightlifter
press … all the way to the roof!

KING:
Look at all of these flash bulbs! He’s holding him over 10
feet from the mat!

BB: What strength by Baslisk
… this is gonna hurt, King. And now … WAIT A
MINUTE! Double Dee with the presence of mind to karate chop
Basilisk’s WINDPIPE! And now he rolls him up with a SMALL
PACKAGE! ONE … TWO … THR-

KING;
THREE! THREE! Ring the bell! Ring the BELL!

BB: I
don’t BELIEVE this! Double Dee … Double Dee just
pinned Basilisk! The fans are hanging from the rafters!

ANNOUNCER:
The winner of this match … DOUBLE DEE!

KING:
He’s grabbing the microphone!

DOUBLE DEE:
I am the greatest! And I’ll see you all in fifty years, my
friends!

***

Although it took
Dace hours to fall asleep because adrenalin was pumping through his
veins all night due to the exciting match, he had a dream in the wee
hours of the morning.

In this dream, after Double
Dee won the fight and spoke to the fans, he took his mask off.

Dace
woke up suddenly, his sheets soaked with cold sweat.

He
sat up as his heart was beating like a jackhammer.

He
was scared, shaking, and he put his face in his hands.

Dace
had a sick feeling in his gut, as Double Dee was revealed to be THE
REALTOR.

After a few minutes, everything seemed to
make sense now. There was a realization … an intuitive
knowledge unearthed by this dream, that Double Dee was The Realtor. And
Dace knew, in around fifty years from now, Double Dee shall return and
reclaim his mantle as “The Greatest Wrestler of
All-Time.”