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Original of Hospital: Hospitalers in France

2:55 pm on October 28 2003
By dailyskew
Filed in: Parody
Tagged with: , ,

Descendant of Hospitalers Demands Restitution
from France

 

 

MOT News

 

FORT LAUDERDALE- Damian
Hospital, one of a dozen people in the world with the last name ‘Hospital’,
has filed a class action lawsuit against the government of France.

 

Damian’s attorney Craig
Zerbensky said in a prepared statement, “Mr. Hospital is filing a class action
lawsuit for the entire dozen people with his last name. The suit contends that
the French government put to death virtually all of the Hospitalers, centuries
ago on Friday the 13th.”

 

The Hospitalers were the
first group of warrior clerics to heal and take care of the sick, injured, and
dying people during the Crusades. The words ‘hospital’, ‘hospitality’,
‘hospitable’, and ‘hospice’ originated from them because of their noble
exploits, according to a famous encyclopedia.

 

The government of France- at
the time a monarchy- rounded up the Hospitalers and put them to death because
they were envious of their growing power and influence, said Zerbensky.

 

Hospital is seeking
restitution of 25 million dollars, to be shared by him and anyone else with
his last name, said his attorney. According to the lawsuit, that would include
Damian’s wife living on Earth Never (the alternate reality where Ronald Reagan
was President on 9/11, and where Buffy and Angel live happily ever after.) His
Earth Never wife’s identity is unknown at this time.

 

The French government
declined to answer any questions, and did not return calls yesterday.

 

Damian’s anonymous friend
called the Ministry of Truth news while this article was being written and
said via cell phone, “This is all off of the record, so don’t put this in, but
if the blacks and Jews could sue for restitution because of slavery and the
Holocaust, then Damian can sue because 95% of his ancestors were horribly
killed in France a few hundred years ago. I mean, there’s no stature of
limitation when it comes to crimes against humanity.”

 

32 Responses to “Original of Hospital: Hospitalers in France”

  1. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Twitter said:

    RT rel=”nofollow” Policy matters. If Barack Obama matched Ronald Reagan’s post-recession recovery rate, 15.7 million more Americans would have jobs

  2. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, SaluteeMyDougie said:

    FlYYREPS – Ronald Reagan ft. Ave Download & RT

  3. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Delicious/tag/tech said:

    SiCKO: Ronald Reagan On the Evils of Socialized Medicine –

  4. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Jasmine said:

    Okay. I clearly need an editor. Among the many mistakes I found in this most recent dispatch, the following stands out most of all: I was hoping the markets would close Friday (like they did for Ronald Reagan) so I'd get the day off work, but that will happen.Of course, what I meant to say was:I was hoping the markets would close Friday (like they did for Ronald Reagan) so I'd get the day off work, but that won't happen.Sheesh. Sorry guys.

  5. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, OddballAZ said:

    And I assume you have something to back up your assertion that Regan was either racist or an idiot? Please quote your sources.

  6. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Twitter said:

    RT rel=”nofollow” There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination & wonder. Ronald Reagan

  7. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, billzster said:

    Bubba is back, with more creamy filling. Makes all of you feminists bitc hes proud, doesn't it?

  8. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, mvbeckril said:

    Screw Obama screw the democrat nazi bitches. It's time for revolution.

  9. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, ksgolfer8 said:

    Mr. Sotero is a liar, fraud, and a waste of life.

  10. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Paul Krugman said:

    Republican Lawyers Association 12th Annual National Policy Conference –

  11. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, marioeagle said:

    The most terrifying words in the English langauge are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. – Ronald Reagan

  12. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Twitter said:

    Political positions of Ronald Reagan – Wikipedia, the free …

  13. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Unternehmer said:

    At

  14. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Daily Kos said:

    We Once had Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash: Now, We Have Obama, No Hope and No Cash.

  15. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, kl4969 said:

    Um… Oh my shit. Seriously…?

  16. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, AugustNN said:

    Excellence does not begin in Washington. – Ronald Reagan

  17. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, David Nickol said:

    It distresses me that I so frequently have to remind people: Ronald Reagan was an actor. As governor of my beloved home state, he did far more damage than he did good.

    Not to defend Ronald Reagan (not too much, anyway), but by the time he ran for president in 1980, he had a lot more on the ball than Sarah Palin does now. He had been an actor, and as president he still had an actor's skills, but I think it's wrong to suggest he was merely an actor, as if he had been a puppet who made no real decisions himself. Whether you agreed with him or not (and I mostly didn't), I thought of him as someone who delegated an awful lot, but I didn't think of him as a puppet.

    If I had to choose between Ronald Reagan and Sarah Palin, I would choose Ronald Reagan.

  18. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, PiaraShikizt said:

    On May 29th, 1988: U.S. President Ronald Reagan begins his first visit to the Soviet Union as he arrives … via

  19. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, ConanTheRepublican said:

    Yeah, when hell freezes over. Bastard knows he's a one-termer, and that's why he's trying to install all his communism NOW, cuz he knows it's over in 2012. Obama's a twit, and so are you.

  20. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, beecee151 said:

    What a good little drone you are. Report back to the central processing center for your drone pin… Then return to the liberal mothership and await further instructions.

    screw the atc they suck. and the mental patients thing is a blatant lie. dont believe it. it's not true. i've acturally talked with homeless people where i used to work downtown and none of them at any time told me they were from a frickin mental hospital. they are people down on their luck. or had to leave home

  21. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, BROLYtheonlyLEGEND said:

    Thanx Max

  22. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Eric said:

    Ronald Reagan jumped when the Jewish Mafia told him to.
    Heck did you know when Ronald Reagan was a employee at
    Music Corporation of America(MCA)as a struggling actor.
    CEO was Jew Julies Stein
    Ronald Reagan's agent Jew Lew Wasserman
    Ronald Reagan was good friends Jew Sidney”The Fixer”Korshak.Who was attorney for the Chicago(Jewish)
    Mafia.
    Heck In 1952, during his fifth term, Reagan engineered a “blanket waiver,” exempting MCA from SAG rules prohibiting a talent agency from also engaging in film production. Reagan's second wife, actress Nancy Davis, was also a member of the SAG board of directors at the time the MCA-SAG deal was made.

    So you see Ronald Reagan got to where he is,cause scratched his Jewish friends backs at MCA.
    Eric

  23. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, NativeSupport said:

    Doesn't matter. I will never accept islam either.

  24. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Ping.fm said:

    It is absolutely the truth.

  25. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Twitter / technologynew said:

    okullarda büyük korku yaratan porno sitelere, zararlı içeriklere ulaşamayacaklarına göre dert etmek gereksiz. tekrarlıyorum, belli bir yaşa kadar, kişisel bilgisayarı olmadığı sürece, sorun olmaz. basit.

  26. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, Marty said:

    Tear Down This Wall: The Reagan Revolution–A National Review History by National Review (Author), Ronald Reagan (Compiler) President Reagan: The Role of a Lifetime by Lou Cannon (Author) The Education of Ronald Reagan: The General Electric Years and the Untold Story of his Conversion to Conservatism by Thomas W. Evans (Author) The Crusader: Ronald Reagan and the Fall of Communism by Paul Kengor (Author) The Reagan Diaries by Ronald Reagan (Author

  27. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, MrKazism said:

    mario and luigi are bros, duh why not mario and wario

  28. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, mdlUSA said:

    The Reagan Presidency: Ten Intimate Perspectives of Ronald Reagan (Portraits of American Presidents):

  29. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, DDsanchez1 said:

    Ronald Reagan:
    You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans.

  30. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, iwillrefuse said:

    No – can't be intolerant of gays – just phoney closeted “conservatives” who deny being gay, like MATT DRUDGE, who alegedly has a thing for MEN
    in leather.

  31. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, sistalinda said:

    i just laugh everytime he mentions the ducks LMAO ive never heard anyone in my whole entire life.. Makes me die!

  32. 2:55 pm on October 28 2003, CJSabatino said:

    Yes and that's moral relativism, “it's okay to be a deeply horrible persona in the right circumstances” is about as relative as you get unless your ethics says “be horrifically abusive to people who disagree with you”. Yes those arrogent scientists with their centuries of systematic accumulation of knowladge and highly effective mode of discerning information based on evidence with real and quantifiable results. What soarces do you base this statement on?

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